Hello, Goodbye

Would that I could whisk the year away,
look ahead without silence,
bow my head in deference
and not disappointment.

I am feeling the color blue this year.

Last year was red.
fiery, orange, and dead.

This year is filled with turquoise and royal.
The ocean, the sky, and my heart
makes a party.

And it’s no wonder I’m feeling vertigo,
and my blood pressure goes,
getting dizzy.
What am I feeling, but fear?

Fear of more failure.
And it’s palpable.

Would I really rather die?
I never wanted to be thirty-something,
or twenty-something for that matter.

I never wanted to be here
to love, and lose, and never live.

Was this really predetermined?
Did I really have a say?
Like the old tales tell?

If I kill myself,
will I be born again,
until I can withstand the experience to its natural end?

It’s best to keep on going.
Lest one, single act of apathy
condemn me to lifetimes bound here.

Who really knows,
but just in case.

I wish it were obvious–
I have only feelings and intuition.

But I know,
my soul is stubborn,
and will not so easily let go.

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About Jessica Lee

Jessica is a twenty-something poet who performs most of her work on stage in Spoken Word. She has found writing therapeutic since she was child, and has pursued it ceaselessly. She enjoys writing even the most fleeting thoughts and dreams as SensicalRavings. Between long retail shifts, she enjoys writing observational pieces (always with a slant) of locally relevant subjects as ALLGainesville. If you appreciate inspiring, coming-of-age suppositions, become a follower. Though it's not always roses, it's raw!

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